Some days are better than others around here

New Balance, but not the shoes

My friend DeLois brought me oatmeal for breakfast.  Never mind that it is in the shape of a cookie.  I love her.  It goes great with my hot chocolate.

I still need hot chocolate because it snowed again last night.  I should just move to Alaska.  But the weather has a split personality, the sun is out now out and it looks like it could be a nice spring day.  I'm ready for spring.  I could take 70 year-round but that's not the card we were dealt here, unfortunately.   The kids are busting at the seams to get some warm weather and I can't blame them.  Spring soccer started last week and we practically needed parkas.  Don't you just love info about the weather?  It makes me feel old.

Well, on to me.  I've been in reflective mode for the last week or so.  General Conference has a way of reminding me that I have a ways to go.  I needed to rework even before the reminder.  Maybe someday I will figure out my wiring.  I've inherited half my dad and half my mom.  To explain--my mom is the best mother ever.  Her family is top priority without question.  She would drop anything, do anything, make anything, bake anything, give anything to those she loves.  I'd like to think that someday my children will say the same about me but that may be a pipe dream.  Then we have my other half--the part that watched my dad take on the challenge of being a business owner and working through things, setting things up, never giving up, figuring out a way, being up for new challenges.  I'm a little that way too.  In fact, I think that all of us kids are in some fashion.  Sometimes it's just the thrill of embracing the challenge.

Anyway, sometimes I feel that I am in inner conflict over what the heck I am supposed to be and when.  Sometimes I feel like my kids pay the price for the other part of my personality and then other days I feel totally connected on the home front.  Maybe it's part of learning balance.

Balance is my new goal.  When I am home I need to be 100% attentive.  Then after bedtime, Part II can kick in and I can transact international business until who knows when.  Ok, that may sound slightly more glamourous than it really is, but my night is Asia's day so it's when I catch people.  We have some great things cooking with quiet books and I'm in a whirlwind with everything that needs to be done this year and it's hard for my brain to relax.  I become compelled and focused to the point of obsession.  And then of course, there is my real job--the one that actually pays the bills--bless it's heart.

My goal this year is to prioritize and focus on where I am in the present, no matter which role I am in.  It may mean going to bed earlier, staying up later, saying no, saying yes, letting go, embracing--whatever it takes to make it happen.  I looked at Caroline's face as I was rocking her last night and was reminded that her sweet little face is what it is all about.  The dishes, toilets, laundry, email, phone calls are all about functioning but not about living.  I need to make sure that my children see that I am about living.